First Person Singular

"You don’t have any sort of outlandish, shocking, extraordinary, horrifying experience without..."

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 18:11:56 -0500

“You don’t have any sort of outlandish, shocking, extraordinary, horrifying experience without writing it down, because I know and knew that you forget things. No matter how outrageous and amazing and extraordinary and seemingly unforgettable an experience is, it’s kind of like a dream. It will erode inevitably, for me.”

- Conversations With Writers Braver Than Me #15: Melissa Febos - The Rumpus.net (via therumpus)

So I got to chat with Melissa Febos, over at The Rumpus…

"Success in the arts can be measured only by your ability to say yes to this question: “Did I do the..."

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 08:34:00 -0500

“Success in the arts can be measured only by your ability to say yes to this question: “Did I do the work I needed to do, and did I do it like a motherfucker?””

- https://www.creativenonfiction.org/online-reading/writing-like-a-mofo

On the Creative Nonfiction site today, a really great conversation between Elissa Bassist and Dear Sugar, aka Cheryl Strayed - a follow-up to their correspondence on The Rumpus that yielded coffee mugs and more bearing the Sugar quote “Write Like a Motherfucker”.

The non-profit I co-run, TMI Project, is now accepting personal...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 15:14:00 -0500

The non-profit I co-run, TMI Project, is now accepting personal essay submissions, for the Essays page on our website, and for future publishing projects.

We’re branching out beyond storytelling and monologues as a way to extend our reach, which will help us to get more funding. It’s also as a way for us to offer anonymity to participants from some of the populations we work with - survivors of domestic violence, LBGTQ kids who haven’t come out to their parents, members of twelve-step groups, etc. They can publish their essays anonymously or pseudonymously on our website, or in the essay collections we have planned, something they can’t do in a staged show.

I’m sorry to say that, being a start-up non-profit, we can’t afford to pay, but if we choose your essay - and it is fairly competitive - we’ll send you a cute tee shirt. And you’ll get to do a little mitzvah for a non-profit that helps people who don’t usually get to tell their stories be heard.

Submission guidelines here. Spread the word?

emilygould: ISN’T ONE OF THE WEIRDEST AND COOLEST THINGS ABOUT...

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 12:37:19 -0500

emilygould:

ISN’T ONE OF THE WEIRDEST AND COOLEST THINGS ABOUT BEING ALIVE RIGHT NOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE USING WORDS AND IMAGES TO PERFORM AN IDENTITY ONLINE? ISN’T THERE A REAL INTIMACY TRAPPED IN FAKE INTIMACY THAT IS SOMETIMES MORE INTERESTING THAN OVERT INTIMACY?

Yes! And, yes!

"Alleged “good” girls, like the kind I used to be, are the worst. We are complicit in upholding..."

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 17:00:00 -0500

“Alleged “good” girls, like the kind I used to be, are the worst. We are complicit in upholding ridiculous, unrealistic standards to which others ultimately are held. We stand by, pretending to possess neither needs nor unflattering emotions, all the while hanging realer sisters out to dry. We allow them to be vilified for asking for what they rightfully deserve, speaking out when they disagree, daring to take chances, making messy real-life mistakes—including ones that lead to abortion.”

- Confessions Of A Good Girl by Sari Botton, excerpted from Get Out of My Crotch: Twenty-One Writers Respond to America’s War on Women’s Rights and Reproductive Health (via therumpus)

Today on The Rumpus, on the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, I come down from my high horse and confess to my two abortions. It’s an excerpt from an anthology I co-edited. Some proceeds go toward Planned Parenthood. (Warning: serious TMI in here.)

Useful trait in a pet.

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 11:04:25 -0500

Useful trait in a pet.

"I guess that’s the promise of a kind of psychoanalytic liberal culture where we’re supposed to be..."

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 16:42:15 -0500

“I guess that’s the promise of a kind of psychoanalytic liberal culture where we’re supposed to be like, We know that we all treat each other horribly but at least we can talk about it to some extent. When we couldn’t talk about things directly, the writing space always existed. But it’s not like everybody should grow up to write books about their family, and everything that’s wrong with their family, and this is the way of dealing with it. There is something to be said for the openness to form, and literary form because it forces you to actually think about the other person, and their motivations, and to try to see them from all sides and to really write about them not as caricature.”

- Marco Roth, talking to Sari Botton, in Conversations With Writers Braver Than Me #14. (via therumpus)

"My wife said this funny thing: “Now I understand that in your family you have to write a book in..."

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 13:35:03 -0500

“My wife said this funny thing: “Now I understand that in your family you have to write a book in order to be taken seriously as a human being.” And that is sad, and true. And we probably could do a better job as a family not having to write books in order to consider each other as human beings.”

- So I got to interview The Scientists author Marco Roth for my series on The Rumpus. Even more than most of my other column subjects, Marco knows the perils - and imperatives – of writing about family. He’s a member of the hyper-literary Roth/Roiphe clan, which includes novelist/memoirist Anne Roiphe, and autobiographical fiction writer Emily Carter, among others. As I spell out in the interview and in the preamble, there’s been a lot of overlap in the family members’ writing, and a lot of hurt feelings. But somehow they all continue to respect each other’s right to their versions of the truth, and they go on, staying in each other’s lives.

I had this conversation with Marco a few months ago, actually. Shortly after we spoke, though, Hurricane Sandy disrupted my family’s life, and, by association, mine. And then, related to that, tensions grew between my father and me. I couldn’t go near this topic for a while, and had to shelve this.

Finally, a few weeks ago, I reached the point where I found I had to step away from my relationship with my dad, at least for now. I won’t go into details here right now. I’m sad and conflicted, but I am also able to breathe in a way that I hadn’t been able to for a long time.

It might seem ironic that I took this step after interviewing someone who manages to keep family in his life despite whatever any of them write. But this has been building, and all fourteen of the interviews I’ve done, so far, have helped me along toward this - something that feels essential right now. (via emilygould)

It’ll be a little while before I have a chance to...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 15:39:00 -0500

It’ll be a little while before I have a chance to transcribe my conversation about memoir writing with Whip Smart author Melissa Febos - we talked onstage the other night, at a fundraiser for The Rumpus/Stephen Elliott’s film, Happy Baby. (Contribute here: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/706884381/happy-baby-the-movie)

In any case, I got so much out of talking with her. At the moment, I’m thinking about what she said re: first unabashedly writing it ALL, then eliminating unnecessarily hurtful material later on, while wearing “mom goggles” or “dad goggles” or “ex-boyfriend goggles” etc. The point being, you can’t know what’s unnecessary or potentially too hurtful until you’re done writing your first draft. It’s similar to what Nick Flynn told me at the last NY Rumpus event. Great memoirists think alike, I suppose. Thanks, Melissa.

Los Angeles Review of Books

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 14:34:00 -0500

whopays:

Report of $100 honorarium offered.

Report of no payment offered.

Guidelines.

Help Manjula Martin compile this list of which lit mags pay writers, and how much.

I am humbled to be somehow (impossibly!) sharing the stage this...

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 15:45:00 -0500

I am humbled to be somehow (impossibly!) sharing the stage this Thursday evening with: Mike Doughty, Rick Moody, Eugene Mirman, Jami Attenberg, Kflay, Stephen Elliott and Melissa Febos, whom I’ll be interviewing for a live edition of my Rumpus column, “Conversations With Writers Braver Than Me.”

It’s a fundraiser for Stephen Elliott’s indie film endeavor, turning his novel Happy Baby into a movie. Contribute as little as $1 to his Kickstarter, and you can attend! (Although the suggested donation is $20. But no pressure…) It’s at 8 at Public Assembly, in Williamsburg.

It’s going to be a great event, and an even greater movie. Please come! And bring friends!

For ages 5 and up? (at Target)

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 10:56:15 -0500

For ages 5 and up? (at Target)

therumpus: Psst. Hey, I’m going to interview Melissa...

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 22:38:52 -0500

therumpus:

Psst.

Hey, I’m going to interview Melissa Febos here. It’s gonna be a great night. You should come.

My home town, Long Beach, NY. My family is there now and I...

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 18:24:12 -0400

My home town, Long Beach, NY. My family is there now and I can’t reach them. I am kind of freaking out.

How to dress for Halloween when you’re kind of old and out...

Mon, 29 Oct 2012 08:47:14 -0400

How to dress for Halloween when you’re kind of old and out of the loop with most current tv shows and other popular memes? Our solution was to dress as characters from a much older show - Northern Exposure, specifically - one of my all-time favorites. The advantage to dressing like characters from a show that ended 16 years ago is that no one else will be wearing your same costumes. The disadvantage is that all night long people will be at a loss when it comes to figuring out who you’re being. Over and over, after receiving many blank stares, you will have to explain, “We’re being Maggie O’Connell and Dr. Joel Fleischman! From Northern Exposure?” Next year: Melissa and Gary from Thirtysomething.

Roxane Gay is Spelled With One "N": 20 Things We Have Learned This Election Season

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 08:36:12 -0400

Roxane Gay is Spelled With One "N": 20 Things We Have Learned This Election Season:

roxanegay:

1. Lady voting is determined by hormones and ovulation. When we are ovulating, we vote for the sexier candidate and care not about political stances. Be careful on November 6, ladies. Be very careful.

2. There are gradations of rape ranging from forcible to legitimate to God-intended.

3. In…

Laughing and crying (you know it’s the same release). Also, “the vagina/uterus industrial complex.”

Not to completely gross you out with sentimentality, but nine...

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 10:49:00 -0400

Not to completely gross you out with sentimentality, but nine years ago today, my husband, Brian, and I went on our third date in two days. It’s a significant date to remember, because it’s the one where I almost completely blew it, when things were going so well.

I wasn’t used to going out with nice guys, nor guys who were direct about being interested. In most of my past experiences, the guys were kind of passive, and afraid of commitment, or maybe they just weren’t that into me. But in any case, there was a great deal of mental gymnastics required in order to figure out whether the dude of the moment wanted to see me, a lot of “I’m doing X tonight…you’re welcome to join me…if you want,” rather than what I was getting from Brian: “I know we had two dates yesterday, but I really want to see you again, so are you free for dinner tonight?”

We went out to dinner that night. We sat at the bar at some cute place on Avenue B that no longer exists, and after our knees accidentally rubbed together, we made them do that on purpose.

Afterward, he invited me up to his place on the corner Avenue B and 8th Street ostensibly so he could loan me a particular tape he’d mentioned over dinner. When we got upstairs, I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was this cavernous, if run-down, loft with these beautiful archways and other old architectural details. It was a duplex with three bedrooms, right on Tompkins Square Park.

Nice guy. Smart. Funny. Cute. Into me. Great real estate. This is too good to be true, I thought, and started to panic.

When Brian offered to take my coat, I thought better of it. I did not trust that this could possibly work out for me. “Thanks for the tape,” I said, grabbing it. Then I turned and, in an attempt to do some kind of Rules thing, left, kind of abruptly.

When he didn’t call for two days after that, I was sure my instincts had been right - things never would have worked out. But then he did call. And he asked if he’d done something wrong. And he said he’d been wondering for 72 hours, when he hadn’t heard from me either, whether I was giving him the signal that he should just leave me alone.

Fortunately, I’d had it - and Brian - all wrong. I am really lucky he gave me another try! I moved into that apartment with him a few short months later, and it was really neat living in a huge, bohemian loft for a couple of years. And then we got kicked out of it, but that’s a whole other story.

My binder! It holds my long-hand lady woman wymyn writings! PS...

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 15:24:00 -0400

My binder! It holds my long-hand ~~lady~~ ~~woman~~ wymyn writings!

PS Be not fooled by the lovely pastel flowers; I am writing some gnarly, difficult shit in there right now.

Clearly the “binders full of women” quote is THE...

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 09:32:00 -0400

Clearly the “binders full of women” quote is THE soundbite of last night’s debate, and it is great, and the Binders Full of Women tumblr is the best. But why does it seem as if no one is talking about Mitt’s suggestion that one of the ways to reduce gun violence in this country is to require women to marry before/when they have children? (I am pretty sure he is not suggesting the gay ones marry their girlfriends.) The guy who wants to deregulate everything related to business wants to regulate everything related to women and reproduction. Why isn’t more being made of this?

emilygould: I cooked a meal just for myself at home today for...

Tue, 16 Oct 2012 15:03:33 -0400

emilygould:

I cooked a meal just for myself at home today for the first time in a while. This felt special and good and stabilizing after a week of travel and minor chaos. I still haven’t gotten my brain back in order completely but I have high hopes for tomorrow.

Sari taught me how to make delicata squash: you slice it in rings, remove the seeds, baste with olive oil and sea salt and roast the rings a 400 degree oven for 5-7 minutes on each side. Mine had been sitting around a while and had lost some of its sweetness, so I tossed the rings with a mix of 1 tablespoon honey, 2 tablespoons olive oil, 1 tsp sea salt and pinches of smoked paprika and cinnamon. After it was roasted I put it on a salad with pecorino and half a slightly sad avocado and a shallot vinaigrette (shallot, apple cider vinegar, sea salt, olive oil.)

This recipe is suspiciously healthy living blog-y, but it is actually very good and satisfying.

So funny. Yesterday, when I was on the Asbury Park boardwalk and saw something else that reminded me of Emily, I thought, “I wonder if she ever made the delicata…” Roasted delicata squash = the best. #Iamclearlypsychic